so explain again why im purple
no
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
