Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
