i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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