My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
