So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
