Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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