i would punch a child for taco bell
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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