Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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