i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
