Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
