and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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