i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize