something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
