yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
