based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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