He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
