Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
