Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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