My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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