Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
