I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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