my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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