Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
