You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
