Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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