Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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