I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize