which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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