And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize