He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
