Can i not drive my cunt home
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
