I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
