you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
