Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
