You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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