If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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