I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
