I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
