Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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