Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
