never play flip cup with pint glasses
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
