so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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