my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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