Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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