you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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