do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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