I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
