Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
