I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
