Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize