Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize