I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
