She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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