And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
