Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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