I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
