i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
