oh god the rape fog is back!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
