Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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