Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
