If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
