Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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