Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
