No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
