so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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