i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Welp...herpes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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