At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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