trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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