I think my vagina is haunted
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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