Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize